The Brown Dart Club

It’s becoming increasingly common to live outside of one’s country of origin for a period of time. Whether it’s study abroad, a vacation, or a mission trip, more and more people are learning what life is like somewhere else. While each person’s experiences are unique, membership in the Brown Dart Club* is something that many have in common.

The Brown Dart Club is a secret society based primarily on shame. Following initiation, there’s no outward sign that one has attained membership, but one feels a deep sense of reassurance from knowing that somewhere out there, there are others just like her. 

Brown Dart membership is common to those in foreign cultures for the following reason: the process of adjusting to a new culture with new food can pose certain intestinal difficulties. Digestive systems that were once quiet and demur turn into raging bullhorns that loudly announce every passing wind. There’s also a noticeable upswing in gurgles, growl, groans, and other such sound effects. While these are embarrassing, it doesn’t qualify one for full membership. That status is only granted when one completes a two-part ritual. First, the initiate must attain a deeply visceral understanding of the Brown Dart Creed - “Some farts aren’t.” The final surreptitious rite, The Washing of the Stained Underpants, secures one’s life-time membership, which includes the benefit of never trusting one’s own body again.

So to all you other members out there, I give my nod of pity. Here’s hoping there’s not a repeat performance.

*Note: The Brown Dart Club derives its name from the more widely-known Blue Dart Club, a group most commonly formed on camping trips, particularly among boy scouts. Outward symbols of membership include second-degree burns on one’s hind parts, singed trousers,  and the lingering smell of smoke and methane.