As an English teacher, I try to believe that every word, no matter how obscure, profane, or just plain funny-sounding it is, has a place and proper use in our great language. Recently, though, I keep butting heads with one particular phrase that, in my opinion, should be hunted down and put out of its misery like a two-headed kitty with its organs on the outside.
The phrase is this: “If you think this is bad, just wait until...” (fill in the blank with some forecast of impending doom delivered in a condescending, wiser-than-thou tone of voice).
Here are some examples I’ve heard recently. Funnily enough, they all start the same way.
If you think pregnancy is bad, just wait until...
... you give birth.
... you start breastfeeding and your nipples look like something they’d serve at IHOP.
... your baby has colic so bad it makes The Exorcist pea soup scene look like a mild case of the hiccups.
... you’ve had six kids and, instead of peeing a little when you sneeze, your uterus falls on the floor.
... your kid is a teenager and tattoos her torso with images of the Kama Sutra using a still-smoldering crack pipe.
I could go on, but you get the picture.
Seriously - why do people say crap like this? It’s not to prepare or comfort the other person. It’s more like they enjoy taking a leak on that ray of hope at the end of the tunnel.
A similarly irksome sentence is this: “You have no idea what you’re getting into.” Though less blatantly pessimistic, the sentence still has the same “Your lives will suck forever” after-taste the first one does.
The statement is usually said by people who abdicated most, if not all, child-rearing responsibility to someone else shortly after severing the umbilical cord and thus have no real parenting experience either. But it’s not just the bold-faced hypocrisy of the speaker that bugs me. What really riles me is that in my inner-most soul, I agree with them.
I have no clue what I’m doing. I didn’t babysit more than a few times. I didn’t have significantly younger siblings to practice parenting on. Heck, even my plant-and-pet related experience is pretty bleak. I managed to kill a cactus, lose a turtle, and drive a gerbil to suicide. I’m not a nurturer. So what in the world am I going to do with a baby?
If it make you feel better, I'm pretty sure I killed the cactus. You left it in my care when you went home for the summer, then I went to Venezuela and forgot about it.
ReplyDeleteThere will be times that having a kid will suck, but it's gonna be awesome too. The lack of sleep, bodily fluids everywhere, and other craziness that go with kids are all worth it when you get to know their personalities.
(I know you may choose to ignore this as I am unmarried, and have no kids. But I am also an overly involved aunt, living vicariously through my sisters with my nieces and nephews. And I'm pretty sure most moms will tell you, it's worth the hard parts to get the smiles, laughter and cuddling that come with it.)
Love you Jess. This is gonna be awesome!
If I can be a parent. YOU can be a parent. Full stop. -Kyle Kenny
ReplyDeleteWhat I have to assume is that these poor fools are miserable, and misery loves company. They forget entirely about the positive side of things! I'm sure I'm in for a lot more once the cat gets farther out of the bag about the little peach inside me, so far it's just been people making sure I know that they know people who have miscarried at 7,8, 9, 16... And so on weeks. Thanks guys.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure every mom no matter the the maternal experience has thought 'what am I getting myself into' But you will be surprized at how natural it is to want to give everything you have to your baby even if it means waking up a million times a night. Every age and stage your child goes through is both wonderful and challenging. I honestly think about what my life would be like without my kids and it sounds very empty and boring.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this will make you feel any better, but I personally thought pregnancy was the worst part of everything about having children. I think it's worse than giving birth because it takes so long.
ReplyDeleteWith my first it took me a little while to get into the swing of things and figure out what on earth I was doing, but it really did keep getting better, not worse.