Don't Eat the Leftovers

The Spanish are very touchy about food. If they offer you something to eat and you don’t accept, you better make it clear that the only reason you’re not eating now is because you single-handedly polished off a giant caribou 30 seconds before you entered the house. My mother-in-law is no exception. She takes umbrage when I decline leftovers for lunch, but I do it more out of self-defense than a lack of hunger. It’s because in her world, all the kitchen appliances have alternative uses that I find suspect.

Take the microwave. Not only does it heat up stuff, but it also serves as a leftovers box, sometimes housing the same thing for days at a time. Why aren’t the leftovers in the fridge? Because it’s doubling as a compost heap. Other than dairy products, anything in the refrigerator is in late stages of decomposition. Things are ripened to optimum smelliness on counters, on the stove, and, of course, in the microwave. Only then are they put in the fridge where the smell can be rarified and contaminate anything that didn’t smell bad a minute ago.

Given the cockroach problem and obvious health risks, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why things were done this way. Yesterday, though, I was enlightened. My in-laws have a curious belief regarding food spoilage. So long as you don’t touch food with metal after it’s cooked, it will remain edible for an indefinite amount of time. Other than modern notions of mold, bacteria, and botulism, there’s an obvious flaw in this argument. Everything is made and then kept on counters in METAL containers. Somehow, the fact that it’s the pot the food was cooked in negates the rotting factor in the metal. No amount of logic, reasoning, or bouts of food poisoning can shake them in this belief. It is the way it is.

Small wonder I sometimes think I’m on a different planet.