Why I Smell Bad

ducharse v. 1 to shower oneself: necessito a ducharme. related words - una ducha n. 1 a shower: quiero una ducha con agua caliente.

I really hate cold water. Hate it. I don’t drink it; I don’t wash with it; I don’t rinse my mouth with it after brushing my teeth. My definition of swimming is wearing a bathing suit and towel while sitting next to any body of water colder than 100 degrees. Even though we live on an island near the equator, I still want a full body wetsuit for the beach. Weighing in around a buck five, there’s just not enough of me to keep me warm. 

Considering all this, a cold shower is tantamount to torture. I whimper, moan, shiver, swear, and sometimes cry. It takes a blanket, a hot drink, and several hours to recover, even when the ambient temperature is 85 or more. So you can imagine how great it was to discover that I married into a family that doesn’t believe in hot water. 

From May to who knows when, Carmen unplugs the water heater and the girls shower with the hose on the patio. While the sunshine would probably help ward off hypothermia, I have qualms regarding public nudity. That, and I’m pretty sure my shrieks would disturb the neighbors. So I hunker down in the bathroom and take what my dad calls a “submarine shower.” It lasts two minutes and consists of getting everything wet, getting everything soapy, and then getting everything wet again. Even though it doesn’t take long, the experience is so unpleasant that my acceptable interval between showers has stretched from 24 hours to however long it takes for me to scratch myself and have my nails turn black. Considering we actually had to cross the street to avoid the body odor of a man a block ahead of us, it seems par for the course.

Yesterday, a miracle happened. Ruyman’s father, Vicente, invited us to hang out with his family for the day (more on Ruyman’s complex family situation later). When everyone had finished swimming in the pool, Vicente offered to let us take a hot shower in his apartment. After cold submarine showers for weeks, nothing sounded more unbelievable. Hot water? Here? Couldn’t be.

It was the most glorious 20 minutes I’ve spent in a long time. I only rejoined society because the water was turning cold. This morning, it was back to submarine style, but I’m buoyed up by the promise that Vicente will invite us back soon. It’s nice to know that somewhere on the island, hot water awaits.

Ruyman's sister Ainoa and her boyfriend Jose

Both of us blissed out after a hot shower.